| Roy |
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Reply with quote | #1 |
The Bum A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times,
approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street. "Hey, Buddy,can you spare two dollars?" The well-dressed gentleman responds,
"You are not going to spend in on liquor are you?"
"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.
"You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?"
asks the gentleman.
"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.
"You wouldn't waste the money at a golf course for greens fees, would you?" asks the man.
"Never," says the bum, "I don't play golf."
The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a
home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they are heading
for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him.
"Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"
"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to
see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or play golf."
Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. |
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| Diana | |
| Broom Hilda |
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Reply with quote | #3 |
Your asked for it, You got it.........................
Why didn't the skelton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.......HA! HA! HA!
What do you call a fat Jack-O-Latern?
A Plumpkin..........Good One!
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo Boos..........HA! HA! HA!
More too follow tomorrow. 
Talk Soon 
Diana
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| Roy |
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Reply with quote | #4 |
Lone Ranger and Tonto
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky; what do you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute and then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo dodo. Someone stole the tent". |
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| Diana |
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Reply with quote | #5 |
What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling
What do you call a friendly dead Egyptian?
A Chummy Mummy
What do you call a skeleton who won't work?
Lazy Bones
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare Centers 
Why don't skeletons like parties?
They have no body to dance with
..........................more of this fabulous humor to follow
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| Witchy Woo |
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Reply with quote | #6 |
What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
Benjamin Frankenstein
Speaking of rain, we finally got some. It started yesterday. Howlaluya!!!!
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray
What was the favorite game at the ghosts' birthday party?
Hide and shriek!
How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch
How does a monster score a touchdown?
He runs over the ghoul line
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| Jingles |
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Reply with quote | #7 |
......and they just keep comin'
What do the birds sing on Halloween?
Twick or Tweet
What is Transylvania's national sport?
Drac racing
Who won the skeleton beauty contst?
No body
Did you hear what happened to the boy and girl vampires?
They loved in vein
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| Scary Fary |
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Reply with quote | #8 |
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit!
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice Scream
Why do witches fly on brooms?
Vacuum cleaner cords aren't long enough
Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
..........and they just keep comin'
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| Funny Bunny |
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Reply with quote | #10 |
What's the first thing ghosts do when they get in a car?
They boo-kle their seat belts
Why do mummies make good employees?
They get all wrapped up in their work
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend
What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet
.........OK that's it-----I don't make up this stuff I just type it!!!
Have a GREAT Day!
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| Roy |
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Reply with quote | #11 |
The Stranger............. A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.
As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.
If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.
Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)
Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burne d my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.
My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.
I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.
More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name?...............See below:
We just call him, "TV."
* *Note: This should be required reading for every household in America!**
P. S. He has a wife now....We call her "Computer." |
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| Goofy Goblin |
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Reply with quote | #12 |
What do you say to a ghost with three heads?
Hello, Hello, Hello
What did the ghost eat for lunch?
Boo-loney sandwich
What is a witch wth poison ivy called?
Itchy Witchy
Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoul friend
Who are some of the wherewolves cousins?
whatwolves and whenwolves
IT CAN ONLY GET BETTER ........................Hope you had a good laugh Have a Great day!
Talk Soon
Diana
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| Roy |
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Reply with quote | #13 |
HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO YOU'
From one pumpkin to another!!!!!!!
A woman was asked by a coworker, 'What is it like to be a Christian?'
The coworker replied, 'It is like being a pumpkin.' God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'
This was passed on to me by another pumpkin. Now it's your turn to pass it to other pumpkins.
I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.
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| Funny | |
| Roy |
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Reply with quote | #15 |
CASH FOR CLUNKERS...........I QUALIFY
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
CASH FOR CLUNKERS...........I QUALIFY |
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